Shoobeedo.....

Most of you probably don't know this about me, but I will let you in on my little secret. I am an inventor. A very frustrated one. Well, actually, it's no real secret and I have been professing such a thing for years-- to anyone who would listen. Time after time, I have thought of so many practical things, only to have dragged my feet and let someone beat me to the punch. Sometimes it's only tweaking the products already out there--always improving on a tired idea. Only sometimes has necessity been my motivator, with frustration being my "mother of invention". Let me share. Now this is a good one. How about a loaf of bread that is half white and half whole grain for us multi-manna challenged families? I buy both types and we don't finish either before it's a medicinal green. That way instead of throwing out some of each at the end of the week, consumption would work out more timely. Or a crystal-like soap granule that you throw on your car WHEN it rains, that would lather, rinse and maybe repeat. No more cursing rain on your clean car--quite the opposite. Our licence plates could have a code number that we could use to call other drivers, immediately letting them know that maybe it's time brush up on their driving skills. "Hey, butthead, you just cut me off!", I could say to the offender. Or, how about, "all right, high-on, my grammas slow, but she's 94!"--for all of those that insist on 45 mph in the far left lane OF 94. Still workin' on that one and the road rage that would inevitably flare up. And the idiots who would just have to make comments totally unrelated to my (poor) driving. Oh, could there be Christmas lights that really hold up to their "guarantee"? 5 years, my ass. Those things go out--or half out within, say, the 2 weeks you have 'em up, and you never keep the reciept. It's enough to drain my already limited patience and make me hit the eggnog--HARD! AT TEN IN THE MORNING!! Can we put soles on my Nike cross trainers that hold up like Ruby Dee's tires? After 4 months said tennies wear thin, and they don't nearly traverse the miles she does. At 90 bucks a pop--it's a total racket. When you get half blind like me, I think it would be helpful if our money was really a different color. Kinda like Monopoly money. How about a hot pink one dollar bill and a purple fiver and an orange fifty? So simple, and it may prevent me from wildly over tipping after a few cocktails. It is silly to think that a child adopted from our own United States could be more affordable and accessible than a child from, say, China or Russia? I know. That's an observation rather than an invention. Could all my hair appliances have retractable cords--or better yet be cordless? The drawer of cords seems so unnecessary and slow up an already tedious process. How about photo i.d. on all credit cards? Wouldn't that make it harder to use the stolen cards? No more ciggies and tennies on my dollar, dude. Or just a thumbprint i.d.'er for everything, including Kroger, Rite Aid, and others requiring you to lug around those dumb store discount cards. My key chain is too cute for those things and my wallet can't hold 'em all. Problem solved. Most of my mornings start with my coffee carafe spilling a few drops each time I pour a cup-no matter how careful I am. Grr.r.r.r.r. It's not a good idea to stress me out when I am fiendin' for my morning fix. From Mr. Coffee to Krupp's, the problem is the same. Or maybe it's just me bein' all shaky and impatient in my gottahavecoffee frenzy--but still. Fix that thing! I'm thinkin' a pay channel package where I only pay for the channels I watch. I have 1000 plus channels currently, but only watch around maybe 30 of 'em. We could choose and pay for just the ones we want. Kinda like ordering off an ala carte menu. I have no use for cartoon networks, home shopping networks and PTL's, but I have to pay for around 40 of 'em just to get the channels I DO want. And how about me getting routinely checked at airport security. Xray'in my purse and shoes! You'd need to run a scan of my brain to see if I am really crazy enough to enact anything terrorist related. I could use my 2 oz. hairspray to blind the pilot if I was so inclined. As if the airport isn't terror enough. Besides, I'm usually all spaced out on Dramamine and yes, a few cocktails to pull off any sudden moves. And can I just grocery shop online and have a cute little dude show up promptly at my driveway, lug it all in, AND put it away. Maybe tie on an apron and whip up a little somethin'somethin' tasty for me while he's at it. If I had a dime for all the times I have gone Krogering, I could easily pay for this "invention." Debbie Meyer came up with Green Bags that allow my organic produce to last for more than 2 days. Hurrah! My hero. Now how hard was that? If she can do it, I can do it too. Please feel free to let me know if you think I am on the right track here. And be inventive about it, will ya? xoxo