The hospital is a warm, safe place with lots of people that are so much smarter than myself that will take care of everything...Right?
Upon arriving, I fill out the forms that seem redundant since all my info is on the Beaumont website. Okay, well, we certainly have all that straight. They slap on a information bracelet and I'm on my way. Next I get to change into the proverbial, ugly hospital gown. Thin as a tissue with an open back for all your stuff to hang out of. With the hospital air conditioning blowing at steady 62 degrees and a wind chill of 46 degrees, I was freezing my exposed ass off. And I found it rich when the nurse with the polar fleece North Face jacket on asked me, "Are you warm enough, Dear"? She generously brought me a heated blanket that retained it's warmth for, oh, about 12 seconds. Then the E.R. doc asked me the same questions that were just on the form I filled out. I patiently repeat my answers.
My blood count required me to have two bags of plasma, which made a nurse take my blood EVERY HOUR all night, along with my vitals. This coupled with my roommate blaring her telly all night, left me exhausted. And needless to say the bed was not my Beauty Rest mattress! I endured the plastic pillow and soldiered on. For some reason they felt it necessary to hydrate the hell out of me with an I.V. pouring liquid into me at a rate of about a gallon an hour. This was hardly convenient as I unplugged the thing and made my way to the bathroom every 13 minutes.
My lunch was orange jello and my dinner was orange popsicles. Orange is the new food trend apparently. I actually found out I like orange jello-so that was cool. Not much else was exciting as they scanned my bracelet about 352 more times. You would have thought that thing was a Tiffany!
And why do you never feel clean at a hospital? I couldn't wait to get home and shower and sleep in my cushy bed.
The docs and nurses were nice enough. The testing was relatively painless-it's controlled chaos as they give me Nascar style attention with their oxygen and needles. For the thousandth time I repeat my name and birth date. I still don't know why I have a persistant tummy ache. We will keep exploring, I guess. Hopefully, I can do it on an outpatient basis.
Pray for me Darlings. At least I'm not pregnant! xo
4 comments:
I have spent many a night or part of a night in the ER. Only a couple of times for me, mostly for my first wife. and I've spent many hundreds more hours sitting in hospitals waiting for news of surgery or visiting family members who are hospitalized. I have come to hate hospitals with almost every fiber of my being. I sure hope they figure out what is going on with you quickly and you can minimize any further hospital type visits.
if its gonna hurt you need to punish the body. more wine and vodka. get extra msg. get off the gluttin free diet. time to give your body something to hurt about. let me know if you need help in the punishment, as I am a pro at punishing my body. (as you can see by the great shape I am in) rest in the hammock as you indulge in the finer things in life is what I recommend. hehe be well. see you soon.
Let's se be blunt or delicate--blunt or delicate--to be or not to be delicate; aye that is the question! Nay--blunt is the blade that gets to the heart of the matter! Quit being such a girl and take a good crap and fart until even your home AC can't keep up.
Next time you need to go to the hospital--go to Detroit Receiving--that one is cool, there is blood splatter on the ceilings of the ER! I've been confined in all of them so if you need anymore advice Jodi, my dear just ask.
By the way how come there was no hospital gown selfies--today's picture is kind of fishy.
Charles-there's not much to like, is there? We seem to be totally at their mercy. I hate it. Steve-You may be my brother, but you are an ass! Maybe I'll just have a 16 oz. steak-blood rare with a rum and coke (no diet), in your honor! Dr. Mark-Should my treatment be so easy! Even a girly girl like me could get with that! However, the answer will be in a few more tests. However; I have been to Detroit Receiving, with Dane. But, that's a whole another story/nightmare. Be good and stay healthy, my compadres! xo
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