Drugs or Jesus......

Is there anyone other than Me appalled with all of "those" commercials on the tube? You know the ones. Because I am a devoted "Guiding Light" fan (even tho I DVR it for later viewings) I am bombarded with the ads that the networks feel appropriate for us stayathome types. Geesh! It just shows-ta-go-ya that the network head are most defiantly males.

Within a 2 hour viewing slot one is able to view a myriad of these "helpful ads". Viagra still being the forerunner and possibly the classiest of them all. The handsome middle aged couple are seen walking down the beach, presumably discussing his "problem". (Not to mention Hers!) Then here comes the pitch and warnings for possible heart attacks and undying erections. Fade back to said couple holding hands while closing the bedroom door. Problem solved! Whaaaa?

At least it's better than "Smilin' Bob" looking especially randy wearing his Santa suit while a line of women wait for their turn on his "naturally male enhanced" lap. I love the girls with the wide eyes and pursed lips anxiously waiting to give it a little go. This very image has turned me off of all visits to Santa where sitting upon the lap is expected. My Granddaughter (not yet even a possibility yet) will just stand next to him with her huge list. Better yet, just give the list to "Nonnie". Sure odds on getting in filled without the weird lap sit situation. Recently at a party store I saw the little packets advertising a similar aid for women. Boy, a Crystal Lite slushie and some Enzyte for ladies all in one easy swipe. Can't beat that!

Then there's the KY for couples with the fabulous claim "His excites, Hers delights, and together they ignite". Who hoo! Certainly looks like it did the trick for the smug couple in bed with the sheets pulled up to their necks. All this good info at three in the afternoon. Just in case you might want to run out and procure some before the hub unit gets home at 5:00. Quick, there is still time!!

We are not going to discuss the issue of feeling fresh "down there". Or the pads, plugs, sprays, and gels that necessitate the perfect condition. They are as crude and offensive as I have just been. At least they can add the visions of lavender flowers floating in the air. Uh, okay.

One last one that certainly is a tickle and deserves a Honorable Mention. How about those ladies sitting around discussing God knows what, when the convo necessitates one of the women sharing the delights of her new massager-that conveniently fits over her finger. And it comes discretely in the proverbial plain brown package. Alrighty, then. Can't you broads find "Lovers Lane", "Naughty Time" or "Pricilla's" for goodness sake--they are on every corner. Or my Sister-in-law can schedule you a very special "Slumber Party" for your private needs. And She serves wine!!!

And last but not least the baby bear with the toilet paper cling-ons stuck to his furry little butt. Disgusting. Must we? Really? I prefer the ads with the darling labrador puppy having a spa day.
Cute, and gets the point across without the stupid visual..

It's a pity that as a society on the whole--nothing is sacred anymore. Crass, vulgar, inappropriate, gross, classless and invasive is more the norm. And that tired old T.M.I! And it's not even presented cleverly! Dumb images for a dumb society. Can you tell I hate it?

Done ranting. Gotta go. Time to try out my "Butt Lift in a Box". I'll get back to you on this one..... xoxoxox P.S. Congrats are in order for our darling friends, Tom and Kara on thier recent engagement! Love you guys... xo

Party like a Rockstar....

Happy Labor Day to everybody. Hope this finds you all well and enjoying NO labor. It's officially the last weekend of summer--altho most of us will recall this past 3 months as "the summer that wasn't". Farmers Almanac predicts a long, warm fall with a Indian Summer in the works. Hoo-Rah! Hope they are right. Also the Detroit Lions make their bid to not come in last in the league. Rumblings are that they are much improved. We will see--and hope. GO LIONS!

Back on my "Titties and Beer" post I received some very unique comments. And I take total responsibility and ownership of them! I have a dear friend, "Benjammin" (cuz he makes the BEST music c.ds.) that wrote Me a little poem. I told Ben that Wil (WilHarrison) was taking all the lauds for best comments, so He got busy. It goes something like this:

Tata's and brewha's,

America's men magnets.

Their on platters called bra's,

and boomba's called Hawgs.

Their combo can't go unnoticed,

in a small town of Forrest,

with wolf whistles galore,

and many pour me "some mores"!

I have never had a poem wrote for me before and I am flattered to death. Nope. Dated some "Rockstar" types who never even penned me a verse! Hell, if showin' a little boobage was all it took, I can't believe it didn't happen much sooner! I had to ask what a "boomba" was and I thought the "Hawg" reference was in regards to an ill thought out time where my sister and law and I were bribed/betted on/dared/shamed into wrestling pigs at a local "Hillbilly Hoedown"! Don't ask--that's another post. And it seemed like a good idea at the time..... The "some more" thing applies to both beer and the delicious campfire treat known by the same name. Ben has been known to be our "S'more Bitch" and patiently toasts 'em up for us. Cool, heh? He also helps us imbibe in a Patron tradition--that he originated-- for important birthdays and such. What a guy! xoxo

So that is all for now. Oh. Thanks go out to Ben's parents, Denny and Margit for hosting their annual BBQ that we all enjoyed. Denny hooked me up with grilled chicken and a Bradour and I was a happy punkin. Margit's fresh tomato salad was perfection! A warmer, welcoming family cannot be found. (we won't get into the pear moonshine that Denny distills--yummy!)

Lastly, sympathy's for our blogfriend Wil who lost his dear Father recently. I have not yet lost a parent and cannot imagine his sorrow. Wil also posted a beautiful tribute to his Dad that is thoughtful and loving. Check it out. XXOO to Wil.

Something about You.......

How 'bout me, lookin' all studious and shit?

In joining many of my blog friends this week thanks, admiration and awe, to Mark (Walking Man) and Charles (Razored Zen) on their recent book achievements. Mark, I read yours while waiting for the judge to levee the fine on my recent speeding misunderstanding. It helped to soften the financial blow I created for myself. I loved it. (but not the fine!) You have seen so much and view it through such honest, humane eyes. My years in Detroit hold many stories-tho I can't express them with your candor. Maybe if I tell you some of 'em, you will get a kick.(?)

Charles, I received your book from Amazon promptly upon ordering it. However, in order to read the full thing, I will have to pry it from my son's hot little hands. He is an aspiring writer who says he has learned alot from your suggestions. Between you and Mark, hopefully, he will get his story out.

Another thanks to Michelle, beautiful girl, (Remergence) for showing this technical idiot how to finally put links to y'all on my site. And introducing me to the delights of the "Peach Tart"! Let's get together soon for some more giggles! Hope I haven't forgotten anyone......

Found a feral mama cat in our woodpile at the beach house this weekend. (how's that for a segue?) Her two babies were as small as mice. Our friend, Ivan, i.d. 'em as approximately 2 weeks old. Lola and I treated them to a can of chicken and gravy. About 10 minutes later, I spotted a large eagle soaring over. Pray with me that the kittens survive. This may be the reason we have had no mice this season. Yay! Also witnessed a doe with her darling, spotted fawn meandering down the beach about 90 feet from where I sat typing this. I would so love to pet them. Lovely, sweet nature abounds!

Happy Sunday to all on this feelslikefall day. Might even be inspired to throw something in the crock pot, later. Enjoy.... xoxo P.S. that dog, Wil (wilharrison) once again gets the top comment award. I might as well award him cuz he will take the honors himself if I don't! I LOVE my blogfriends... Samootches.

Titties and Beer....

Okay. It was just too easy. Frank certainly did know how to coin a phrase! Here is my lovely sister in law, Cheryl and I on our annual "booze cruise". So what if we do it 10 times or so annually? We have just made plans to take this show on the road in October, when we visit the Keys.

Had a wonderful time in Alpena this past weekend where my beautiful cousin, Britni married her handsome groom, Brian. The couple had the day that dreams are made of and even like an old, jaded broad like me had tears. Much thanks and admiration to Joni, Mike, Kevin and Nancy for their part in this very special day. A good time was had by one and all. Congrats to Britni and Brian. Stay in love--and that's an order! xoxo P.S. How about that free advertising for our friend Shawn's bar? You owe us, dude. Vodka will do nicely.....xo

Ray of Light.....

Once again, the lobster season was a success with the "bugs" being large and plentiful. Fresh sushi grade tuna was an added mouthwatering treat, too. Ate, drank and was very, very, merry!

But, as always, coming home is usually the best part of the trip. I missed the hell out of my Lola and she was happy to see me too. Usually she will punish me for a few days by acting like she's better off without me. It's like I just died or something--the little snob. This time tho, she didn't bother with all that bullshit and surrendered, with much purring, to my snuggling. My tomatoes did great with all the rain that fell.

So, now it's all about re-entering. The weather seems much the same as south Florida with all this humidity. The big difference is that on holiday, there is no cleaning, yard work, bill paying, and very little cooking. The strain of walking out to the pool, or the boat, taking an afternoon doze, uncorking wine or pressing a blender button is much easier to accomplish even in the most brutal heat. I have returned refreshed, clear headed, heavier and tanner. The usual for me. Now I am ready to hit the gym and get back on track with the news, etc. Reading all my usual blogs was, and always is an added touch of "home" while away. So, thanks y'all on that count!

Spent a day viewing art in Key West and met the most charming artist. (Also a dude in a full Spiderman suit playing the guitar in 93 degree heat!) Ray is a 30 year old political refugee from Cuba, who was asked personally by Castro to leave forever. That or 5 years in prison. He did serve 15 days, however, as things got decided. His art was deemed too "angry" in protest to the revolution. He struck out to K.W. 6 months ago, leaving his homeland and family, forever, and got work at a gallery and studio. I was treated to a tour of his paintings in process and a little understanding of the process itself. People were actually buying his sketches before he could get them on canvas. A stack of commissions was waiting for him, also. He has been so well received that he has his own show (lone) at a gallery in Chelsea, New York in December. I got pics of he and I by some of his work, as he passionately explain his vision. I plan to go to his opening. Meeting Ray and hearing his story was probably the highlight of my trip, and I would willingly adopt the poor waif if I could. Very inspirational, indeed.

Aren't we so lucky not to live under such oppression? I sometimes forget that that isn't our worry. Many other things may be wrong, but at least, not such stifling of our ideas and art.

Enjoy this sulty and seductive time, known as summer. "She" makes us all more aware of our bodies (sweating!) and basic needs.(cool beverages!) Move slowly and with purpose cuz it won't last long. xoxo

Diver Down..

The "Lobsta Mobsta"(s) are at it again! I can't believe another year has rolled by so quickly. Once again we have made our annual pilgrimage to the Florida Keys for Lobsterpalooza 2009. My post dated Tuesday, August 05, 2008 gets into the particulars of netting spiny lobster if you are so inclined.

Suffice it to say, I am just crazy chillin'. I have read 2 books already. (one "serious" and one serious "trash"!) I found a cool used bookstore aptly named "Hooked on Books"--in keeping with the local pastime. Picked up 6 more treasures that lay in wait. If you borrow a book from me, while on vaycay, there is a good chance that some of the pages are a little water splashed, as likely it has been enjoyed while I float in the pool.

While I have always enjoyed Lobsterfest, I also have been known to grumble about leaving Michigan in August when the weather I've waited for all year has finally arrived. Leaving the beach house for 90+ weather doesn't always thrill me. (The lobster season is based on when the bugs do their annual march, and they arrive at the keys around August 6, so that is how the timing of that all works.) Not the case this summer. As some of you know, it has been a chilly, rainy season--and I was only too happy to get outta dodge.

Plan to get down to Key West for some shopping. There are MANY galleries and funky boutiques that lure me like the call from a mermaid. The food is locally caught and luscious, but my favorite thing is the popcorn that the same vendor has been selling forever. I score a double Margarita from Sloppy Joe's or the Bull, get the popcorn hookup, and I am good to go. You know I am a simple girl, with simple tastes....... xoxo

P.S. I give Wil the "Two Thumbs up, a Wiggle, and a Twist" award for the funniest comment. I do love a creative remark. Keep it Dude, but just know, I WILL get you back!!! P.P.S.S. what's with the dude winning the lottery TWICE? Good Lord, that's uncanny. Hope he is able to do something good with the dough. xoxo

Where have all the Cowboys Gone?.......

I attended a graduation party recently in Battle Creek. The yard was beautifully landscaped with gorgeous floral plantings everywhere. The pool stood waiting and inviting. A buffet with Mexican fare was delicious and plentiful. Tiki torches and lights illuminated the evening. Margarita fixin's were on ice. The stereo speakers provided the music d' jour. Uncle Mark and Marty opened their home for their beautiful, graduating niece, Kylie.

As I enjoyed the view and my Margarita, I took a minute to observe the graduate and her friends. Now, I realize that at such a party, the best side of these kids were not likely to be seen; however most were exceedingly polite, (even saying hello to the "dinosaurs" watching from the fringe) as they snuck a shot or two.

Looking back, on how optimistic we all were in (gasp!) 1976 was crazy, compared to 2009. We all had our own cars by then and maybe have had 2 years of payments paid down by then. We paid our own insurance or at least helped with the bill. These kids had their parents cars or at least financial help from them as they hardly had jobs. One girl complained that Panera had her down to 8 hours a week, and any kind of payment was impossible. This, coming from an honor student, unable to find any other work. At the time I graduated, I was working 40 hours a week at a private country club that was booming with business. Probably stretching the labor laws, but lots of hours available, non the less. Had I wanted to go to college, I would have had no trouble saving lots of cash.

In 1976, the Bicentennial year, we were hopeful and blissfully watching the Olympics, and Mark the "Bird" Fidrych throwin' heat. The Vietnam war had ended and peace time was upon us. The drinking age was 18. It was a sweeter time-at least in my eyes.

Seems we have moved from a manufacturing market to a computer market-a fact that was obvious as ALL of the kids had cell phones, whereas we had barely heard of computers, and had to save our dimes for the pay phone if we wanted to indulge in any ilicit conversations. Where we used to sit around and "rap", I observed kids sitting next to each other texting (and/or "sexting") conversations with others not at the party.

Not sure what the upshot is on my thoughts, but the differences were obvious. Don't wish to be in their shoes-that's for sure. What it all means, I don't know. Best of luck to all graduates, seems you will need it. Enjoy the dog days of summer that seem to finally be upon us. xo P.S. Shout out to our friend, Bobby, who piloted his catamaran to first place in the races on Sunday. Dude, you ARE a rock star. Congrats! xoxo