But I admit that since I lost my only child, the day now makes me cringe. Just a little. It's hard to ignore all the fanfare that used to be so normal for me. Social media inundates me with mother's being well wished and honored. The Mommy Hole in my heart throbs and bleeds deep as I remember the love I was always shown on Mother's Day by Dane. It's hard enough to re-identify myself and this day is the one that reminds me that my natural instinct to my child has no place to go now. I am uncomfortable and I know it makes others uncomfortable, too. There still are no words to comfort my loss. This, plus the fact that society still does not know how to face the loss of a child.
But I smile, blink back tears and forge on. My reality and future are still very shattered but I am trying hard to pick up the pieces and figure out who I am now.
Gifts from Randy, Niece Extraordinaire Nicole and even Hazel my kitty, lovingly feted me with cards, roses and gifts. Their thoughtfulness warms my heart and helps me find some joy.
There will never be the warm, bear hug and smacking kiss that re-affirmed my Mother role. It's a private role now-shared just between Dane and I. I still tell him that I loved him more than life and thank him for the experience of being his Mommy.
To all the Angel Mom's missing their Angel Children, I understand and feel your loss and pain.
