No Costume no Candy..(yes, it really is a song!)

Happy almost Halloween to y'all. I know I'm early, but next week's post will be after the fact, and to quote the "Peach Tart", I hate to be 'tardy for the party'! (thanx, Peachie!) Anyhoo, note the pic of me last year dressed to impress as Beth from "Dog the Bounty Hunter". I just love Halloween for all the fantasies it can inspire. It's always been my chance and licence to cut loose! Went to a party at our friend Shawn's bar and mayhem (as per usual) ensued. I was forced to be on the job all night and many suspects were made to be frisked, questioned, and cuffed. All this after touching up my lip gloss, showing my badge and tossing my locks. It is a role I was born for! Same party this year and I am to this minute uninspired in the costume department. Any ideas? Stay tuned for updates.

What a gorgeous fall day! Fall always brings out the homebody/creative side of me. I have been an organizing fool and my closet shows it. Baked a cake and ate FAR too much of it. Workin' on a large painting even tho I'm not sure where I am going with the overall theme. Who cares? I just love working in color and how the time slides away as I do it. I met an artist once, (I will tell the story another time) who invited me to Paris to his villa where He would teach me how to paint. Truly and honestly. To this day, I regret just not going. What if I really would have been good?! Imagine my work in the M.O.M.A!

I have started tap lessons and am LOVIN' it! I have always wanted to tap and besides it's a great excuse to dress all 'Flashdance' style with off the shoulder torn sweatshirt and leg warmers. Nothing like a new 'get up ' to inspire--but Edyta Sliwinski need not worry! I had it on my Bucket List to tap dance with Gregory Hines in New York someday. Of course afterward, we would have hit a cool coffeehouse to discuss stuff followed surely by dinner and a few cocktails....He would have been stunned by how quickly I've progressed after a few classes, and I would have had to explained that even the smallest role in a movie where we tapped out a duet would be hard to squeeze into my schedule. I have since learned that He has passed. Don't know how that one got by me. He was an awesome tapper! R.I.P.

Tonight I am going to a drum circle event. I have purchased a mini djembe and even crocheted and knitted a groovy little carrying case for it. This should be interesting--and gasp! Hope I'm not scouted for a band! Rock star fantasies are hard to let go of. Again, too busy to tour. Maybe an occasional guest appearance, like at the Grammy's or something--if Jon BonJovi begs. Stay posted for news flashes!

It may be apparent that my LIFE is a fantasy. I love and prefer it that way. One day a year is not nearly enough for me. Make sure you stop by "Michelle's Spell" for great pics and ideas for costumes, drinks and such. She is the ultimate fantasy girl! Celebrate your Halloween or other fantasy in the way you dream about. Be safe and stop to enjoy a caramel apple--shot or on a stick--you pick! xoxo

Where I come from....

In Ossineke, where I 'come from', there is a definite speech pattern used that I never fully realized till I moved 'down here.' Yes, anything south of Standish, Michigan is considered "the city" to my up north friends and family. Now, I do not mean to paint us a people described in some Jeff Foxworthy stand up about being a redneck. You be the judge....

It's more like a certain colorful vernacular that we use to spice up an otherwise regular sentance. Very metiphorical. Colliquial expressions abound. (o.k. my Son gave me that one!) I have a cousin who is a speech therapist "down here" and she dissolves into giggles when visiting my family. I think it's quite regional and very slang-like. SHE thinks is cute AND hilarious.

Let me explain. A typical convo could go something like this: my brother, the Ford salesman could say, "you won't believe who I sold a new Lincoln to today. Yes, after hours of dickering on the thing, Blahblahblah actually signed on the line." My Dad would say, "that cheap bastard. He's tighter than the nuts on the Mackinaw Bridge." Yessiree-that's pretty damn tight. Or maybe this: baby Ethan fell and hit his head on the glass coffee table and didn't even wimper. Someone will probably reply, "yeah, that kid is tougher than a boiled owl." Or a two dollar steak. Yes, and he IS wilder'n a March hare. A friend with 5 kids has had to pick up a couple of side jobs. This would deem him 'busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest.' If the extra income is not procured, the very same dude is described as 'lazier'n a cut dog.' (Cut meaning spayed or neutered.) Yes, someone surely will concur that he is so lazy that he would shit in bed and kick it out with his foot. Hmm mm m. Many a Monday mornings have necessitated a person to self diagnosis himself having a case of "anal glaucoma". This happens if you just can't see your ass going to work that day. For sure! Some things are harder than Chinese arithmetic. And the poor dudes Parkinson's has him shakin' 'like a dog shittin' peach seeds!" Very charming. There are even VERY un-political correct nuggets known to be heard around. Moonless nights that are 'blacker'n Toby's ass.' Or the uncle who is 'queer'n a two dollar bill.' Don't say I didn't warn you.

They say you can never go home, but you can occasionally speak like it. I have to admit that old habits are hard to break and I sometimes slip into 'em just like an accent I can't quite shake. Kinda like right now, when I am as 'tired as last years fashions.' Have a great week and a belated "Happy Sweetest Day" to all my sweeties. xoxo

License to Chill...

The jspot is on vaycay enjoying the beautiful Florida Keys while pursuing her mermaid dreams. She will return next week with a full post laden with useless information and trivial pursuits. Until then, y'all wait with bated breath, and get your infusion of glamour and frivolity elsewhere. A few cocktails may help with the process.....Salty, wet samootches from the sea! xoxo

Bless the Beasts and the Children...

Happy Sunday and Happy Feast of St. Francis of Assisi. Today is recognized as a day of acknowledgement of St. Francis' love of animals and ecology.

My Mother was in town for the weekend and Her and I attended Mass at St. Peter's Catholic Church in Mt. Clemens. The blessing of the pets was said by the priest and I was touched by the authenticity and general reverence for the animals. Now, that being said, I had no idea there was such a day! As a lifelong Catholic and pet lover, I am not sure how that one escaped me. The prayer and sentiment are so sweet not to mention ages old. The pets get extra treats for being the loving, unconditional, goofballs that they are. Our lives wouldn't be the same without them. Amen to the very, very cool St. Francis of Assisi.

Strangely enough, I have read two reports recently about horrific abuse to kittens. May these cruel wretches suffer a similar fate. Both perpetrators have been caught and I hope they rot in jail and later hell.

And now, my second favorite "animals" have made me a happy chick! Just finished up watching our beloved Tigers beat Chicago. (sorry, Wil) After last nights painful debacle, the win was a joy! Coach Jim Leland would have been considered a bum if we would have lost, but in the event of the win--He is genius. Next game is Tuesday in Minnesota. Thank God, we all need a break right along with our athletes. Although it rained off and on, here at home, a mere 20 minutes away, Comerica Park remained dry. I was just to wussy to brave the cold and possible rain that I thought the live game would hold. Altho I would have loved to run the bases after the game!!Bless you boys and Go Detroit!! You rule and ROCK!! xoxo

No Rain.....

Hello all, on this perfect fall day and thanks for all the comments regarding "Girls Weekend." They make me laugh and I love that.

This weekend was considerably quieter than the last one. Spent Saturday morning at the Farmer's Market scoring fresh stuff for dinner. I made spaghetti and meatballs with fresh garlic, basil, tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms. Learned that there is more than one type of basil. Even happened upon homemade organic whole wheat pasta! Cheryl's just-frozen corn and wine (she is the family vintner-and a great one at that!) finished it all off. Two snaps, a wiggle and a twist for me! Took our bloat (and one more glass) to the couch to enjoy our food coma.

While at the market looking over a honey display, I met-of all things- a giant, guitar playing bee. I kid you not. "Did you know that bees are the only animals that produce a food product for humans?" No, I certainly did not!

As you may know, I attract these characters like, well, a bee to honey.

After learning that he drives a BeeMW and more bee trivia, I shared my little diddy. What comes after "part Bee," I asked him. He pondered before giving the correct answer of "part A." I only had to correct him in the pronunciation. It's Par-taay, baby!! After some more fun facts and jokes, Biggie Bee moved on to his next victim. Wait, I called after him, I need a picture. He gave me permission to use it on my blog as long as it's family friendly. Moi? But of course! He complied like a good little bee and buzzed away, singing "Don't worry, Bee Happy." See ya around, Honey!

First thing this morning, we witnessed a "ghost freighter" cruising on the horizon. The fog made it all ghostly and beautiful. Just a few rays of sun trying to shine thru made it an image worth capturing. However, I forgot my camera, as I seem to do with so many things of late. Made pancakes with fresh blueberries and raspberries from the market. Yummy. Now Lola is at my elbow, reminding me that it's time for our Sunday afternoon "lay down". I will be reading an Alice Hoffman book that has me interested in people who have survived lightning strikes. Wild phenom! Gotta go, duty calls. Enjoy your day in whatever way! Hey Walking Man--I did a little rhyme! xoxo

What a Girl Wants....

Ahhhh. Home and recovering from our annual "Girls Weekend" which took place at the beachhouse this weekend. Yes, it is brutal. Like a marathon, but much more tiring. The same gang-more or less-converge up north, on this weekend, for a man-free get together.

Nine of us participated this year in the ritual festivities that started at my house on Friday with Grapetini's. Yes, cheers are in order as once again we have managed to get all together for a whole weekend! We then progressed up and continued the party at my sister-in-law and hostess extraordinaire. Cheryl passed out cocktails, tiaras, and t-shirts and the fun began. Later at Foster's, our dear friend Shawn, posted a welcome on his markee as well as a custom menu for us. We karaoke'd (a tortuous event, at best) and danced it up. Some nice guys at the bar even volunteered their time to be our bar bitches, cooks, masseuses and what have you. How very sweet and generous! Thanks, but no thanks!

The weather cooperated beautifully and we lazed in the sun and ate luscious dips and such and had, yes, more cocktails. Blue Margarita's being this years signature drink. Unfortunately, I have some blood work scheduled for Monday morning and this prevented me from too much imbibing--probably a good thing. After catching up on each others lives, the inevitable trying to figure out the male race became the topic. Now, we are not man bashers in any sense of the work. Au Contrair! We love 'em, but relish the time to share our war stories around the bonfire. One of the girls used to work for NASA as an engineer, and we all got an interesting astronomy lesson.

Wrapped things up today and headed home for a much needed nap. This old broad is whipped!

Side note! My all time favorite soap, "Guilding Light" has been cancelled. In production for 72 years (radio, first) it finally got axed. Up north, the show is like a religion. See, growing up we only had two channels, with CBS coming in the best. Hence, a gigantic, built in fan base. My 95 year young Gramma is a fan, with my Mom and I and Sister, too. We used to run home from school to watch it. The cast is like family even with the unbelievable story lines, used on soaps

Don't care. It was entertainment that brought us the glamour of all the latest fashion and hairstyles. Loved it and will miss it. R.I.P. Guilding Light... xo

Drugs or Jesus......

Is there anyone other than Me appalled with all of "those" commercials on the tube? You know the ones. Because I am a devoted "Guiding Light" fan (even tho I DVR it for later viewings) I am bombarded with the ads that the networks feel appropriate for us stayathome types. Geesh! It just shows-ta-go-ya that the network head are most defiantly males.

Within a 2 hour viewing slot one is able to view a myriad of these "helpful ads". Viagra still being the forerunner and possibly the classiest of them all. The handsome middle aged couple are seen walking down the beach, presumably discussing his "problem". (Not to mention Hers!) Then here comes the pitch and warnings for possible heart attacks and undying erections. Fade back to said couple holding hands while closing the bedroom door. Problem solved! Whaaaa?

At least it's better than "Smilin' Bob" looking especially randy wearing his Santa suit while a line of women wait for their turn on his "naturally male enhanced" lap. I love the girls with the wide eyes and pursed lips anxiously waiting to give it a little go. This very image has turned me off of all visits to Santa where sitting upon the lap is expected. My Granddaughter (not yet even a possibility yet) will just stand next to him with her huge list. Better yet, just give the list to "Nonnie". Sure odds on getting in filled without the weird lap sit situation. Recently at a party store I saw the little packets advertising a similar aid for women. Boy, a Crystal Lite slushie and some Enzyte for ladies all in one easy swipe. Can't beat that!

Then there's the KY for couples with the fabulous claim "His excites, Hers delights, and together they ignite". Who hoo! Certainly looks like it did the trick for the smug couple in bed with the sheets pulled up to their necks. All this good info at three in the afternoon. Just in case you might want to run out and procure some before the hub unit gets home at 5:00. Quick, there is still time!!

We are not going to discuss the issue of feeling fresh "down there". Or the pads, plugs, sprays, and gels that necessitate the perfect condition. They are as crude and offensive as I have just been. At least they can add the visions of lavender flowers floating in the air. Uh, okay.

One last one that certainly is a tickle and deserves a Honorable Mention. How about those ladies sitting around discussing God knows what, when the convo necessitates one of the women sharing the delights of her new massager-that conveniently fits over her finger. And it comes discretely in the proverbial plain brown package. Alrighty, then. Can't you broads find "Lovers Lane", "Naughty Time" or "Pricilla's" for goodness sake--they are on every corner. Or my Sister-in-law can schedule you a very special "Slumber Party" for your private needs. And She serves wine!!!

And last but not least the baby bear with the toilet paper cling-ons stuck to his furry little butt. Disgusting. Must we? Really? I prefer the ads with the darling labrador puppy having a spa day.
Cute, and gets the point across without the stupid visual..

It's a pity that as a society on the whole--nothing is sacred anymore. Crass, vulgar, inappropriate, gross, classless and invasive is more the norm. And that tired old T.M.I! And it's not even presented cleverly! Dumb images for a dumb society. Can you tell I hate it?

Done ranting. Gotta go. Time to try out my "Butt Lift in a Box". I'll get back to you on this one..... xoxoxox P.S. Congrats are in order for our darling friends, Tom and Kara on thier recent engagement! Love you guys... xo