Monday, February 16, 2009

Head over Feet....




Here it is friends, my first attempt at fiction AND paragraphs. (Thanks, WM!) Please read and let me know what you think. I had a good time and plan to develop Annie more. OK, inhale. Now go.***********************************************************************************
*****Annie will be the first to tell you--she has nice feet. They are probably her best feature. Everybody thinks so. No callouses or bunions to be found. Growing up on a beach and daily walks in the sand pretty much took care of that. Athletic and serviceable, but at the same time fragile. All her life, people have commented on her smallish feet with the cute toes. "Barbie feet with nice arches," they would say.
*****It has been marveled that her big toe is a perfect shape and the other 4 line up in order according to size. Little soldiers in a row. None of that second toe being longer than the big toe, because everybody knows that's just, well, 'country.' Because of this attention, she spends hours grooming her feet and caring for the nails. And only the exact shade of raspberry polish will do--even though the nails naturally looked like little shells. She went barefoot or wore sandals from April to October just to show them off. And in the summer her feet would turn a delicious shade of cinnamon making the effect even more striking.
*****One time a cute lifeguard commented on the perfection of those feet--some of the prettiest he'd ever seen--causing her blushing pride, but hardly the first thing she expected to be noticed as she there in her new bikini. And another time, a guy at McDonald's said her toes looked good enough to eat. Very creepy, but very true. "I know," she shrugged. Years later boyfriends would indulge her with long foot massages and marvel over her toes and even later a husband would give her a very generous allowance to get pedicures and buy shoes that show them off.
*****She would have liked to have been noticed for something else, say, lustrous locks or caustic wit. But at least for now she's got the feet. Head over feet...or in Annie's case, feet over head. *****xoxo P.S. Have tried to post twice and my paragraphs just won't 'work'! Forgive me while I learn. xo

7 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

Pretty good fictional character sketch. It needs a turning point--say a husband or boyfriend who worships those feet until something happens. Draw it out some and show the reader what it is in the end. I don't know, maybe one day, after a spat, he decides to leave her and backing out of the driveway runs over those precious feet ... or he literally gets her foot up his (fill-in-the-blank) for cheating on her. Your story, you decide. It doesn't have to be violent either.

As for paragraphs, use block paragraphs (single line of white space) with no indent.

Good job ... and remember: this advice is coming from a convict teacher.

the walking man said...

paragraphing in blogger...after you write in Word or another program in order to get the paragraphing AFTER YOU HAVE COPIED IT TO BLOGGER double space between the paragraphs, they'll show up as a single space.

Now you have introduced us to a character and some of the way she thinks but as she ages the thinking of her feet as an asset is beginning to fade for...and why?

This segment could be rounded out with more detail of the rest of her body, hair color, boob size waist. In that it is starting off with the physicality of Annie, I don't think you can go further into her non physical being before the reader "sees" her.

Then the dramatic tension can be created in the mind of the reader between how she looks and how she thinks.

Good start. Stay the course Jodi.

Charles Gramlich said...

A pretty good set up. I agree with JR, now we need a bit of a twist or turn.

Anonymous said...

My feet would of had TOE JAM.

Gary G said...

I remember being told I have "Fred Flintstone" feet. Hmmmm... was that you, or Lisa?!?!?!?!?

Erik Donald France said...

Very very cool. Yeah, just draw out the confict between her wanting something more than admiration for her feet, even while she goes with it because it seems to work. Maybe something or someone inspires her to try something different, to the various feet admirers' chagrin? In which case, all you need is one or two more paragraphs to make it a wrap ;->

jodi said...

JR-One more 'convict teacher' comment and I'm gonna get all nuts on you. Great ideas! WM--I love the idea of 'filling out the character' and I have made that effort in the next 'Annie' post that will probably be posted next week. Charles--I'm thinking of using her feet as a mode of travel that can take her anywhere. Anon--sucks to be you! Gary--You DO have Fred Flintstone feet!!! Eric--cool idea. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP! I respect all of you and love the help. xo