Sunday, May 30, 2010

Rock On......

Just when you thought it was safe to go outside...

For your viewing pleasure, I respectfully submit the following in all it's detailed gloriousness. Wah La! The famous roadside attraction in the thumb of our great state. Heff, this treasure belongs on YOUR blog! Ossineke (my hometown) has it's giant Paul Bunyan and Babe the blue ox carving that pays tribute to the lumberjacks that help found said burg. And when I go to Florida there is a huge lobster sculpture on highway 1 reminding us of the local culinary delight. And here it is in all it's notoriety, the infamous 'penis rock'! (there are other names you can probably guess, but as usual-I will try to remain a lady!) Recently the rock was pushed over on it's side spurning a whole new batch of names. But it's back up in it's rightful position, just in time for the holiday weekend!

This hard as a rock-oh wait- it IS a rock, is surely a local curiosity. Sand blasted in it's owners image--allegedly! I have driven by many times to witness people (in various positions) out for a photo op. Trust me, there have been some very creative photos taken with the thing. There is even a little plaque that suggests you email your memory so that the owner can share the delight! It reads something like this, "from your photos with this erection, please send copies for our collection." So, I finally got my 'wish you were here moment' on Friday.

It's the stuff urban or in this case, suburban legends are made of. Locally it is believed that Ron Jeremy purchased a cottage and, ahem, 'erected' this little driveway marker in his own image. Shame on you Hedgehog, flyin' your personal freak flag! How dull am I with an old English 'D' marking the driveway? Oops, guess I just forgot about the option of casting a body part in stone for all the world to see! But I digress. Ron has been sighted tooling around in a block long, ancient, baby yellow caddie. The local hardware claims to have sold him stuff for his pad. What? Screws, nuts, studs? Did I mention the word ALLEGEDLY? I however, have not yet had the pleasure--thank God! I hate to believe the rumors because the last time I did, I ran my biscuit off trying to see Tom Selleck. Yes, it was believed that he, too purchased a cottage and did his daily workout on M25. Imagine my disappointment when I met Tom Celiak at the bar smokin' a ciggie and swilling a frosty mug o' Bud!

So this summer if you are planning a little Michigan staycation, be sure to stop by for a viewing and photo. Beats the hell out of the 'Giant Ball of Twine' or 'The Corn Palace'!

Happy Memorial Day, Darlings. Enjoy this fabulous and important holiday.... xoxo

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Witnessed an unusual sight last night whilst out with my posse at the local watering hole. A handsome, confident young man sporting a beer advertising shirt while swilling the same beverage. He knew all the dirty words to the songs playing and worked out a mean 'dirty dog' with anyone similarly inclined. He fist pumped--hell ya, with his buds and did numerous shots of some vile looking green swill. So what, you ask, was so unusual? Seems just like any other Saturday night. Are you ready for this? He sported a fanny pack. Yep, the little bag that straps on at the waist and is worn with the pouch in front and not on the fanny as the name implies.

Hmmmm, I wondered as I watched him frolic with his homefries. What's up with that? Did I miss the memo that these things were being worn again? So, later when he sidled up to me and said, "hey, Mama", I seized the moment and said, "well hi there, fanny pack guy." "Ya got a pizza in there or are ya just happy to see me?" NOT! Well, that last part. That lame line would have disgraced Mae West while leaving the young hottie puzzled. He answered me with, "Oh this?" Yea, I got a lighter in here and some cherry chap stick if ya need some--I love this thing!" Well, okay then, guess that's that...Now move along...

Got me thinking how ludicrous is it that we pay so much money for designer and designer knockoff purses only to throw them on dirty car and bar floors when the fanny pack is cheaper and much more handy. Stays clean and we never forget it in shopping carts and the like. And considerably cheaper, unless you just have to sport a designer or a designer knock off of one of those as well. (HELLO ladies, Louis Vuitton has been dead for like a hundred years or so!)

I remember wearing one to Cedar Point once and to an Art Fair where I wanted to shop hands free. Now you only see them on seniors mall walking and at the flea markets in Florida. Another good idea gone wrong.

Unless you are a confident, handsome guy that just needs a place for his flame and lip jam! You go honeybun, cuz you rocked that look and may single handedly bring it back for all of us!

Monday, May 17, 2010

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden......

Happy rainy Monday! I am decompressing and paying attention to my couch after spending the weekend downtown at the Hoedown and Flower Day. My girl, Kristen and I dragged her two little darlings down to Eastern Market on Saturday for face painting, elephant ear eating and general people watching. Flower Day brings out it's share of gardeners and weekend yard crashers, but the real show is the opportunistic folks out to get their hands on some visiting cash. I love the guys who try to 'sell' public parking spots as their own! I encountered many hungry individuals that were only interested in money and not the actual food to fill them. Oh well, it's their lives to spend that little cash however they wish. Donating to the street musicians never bothers me, as they are entertaining and talented. But I never become immune to anyone who is truly needy. How do you draw the line? I can't donate to everyone--even tho I would like to. The homeless dogs break my heart, too. Again, can't adopt 'em all. The two we house now has to be enough. Sigh...

Then just for giggles, we headed over to Hart Plaza for the hoedown. First timers we were, but virgins no more! Fortified by Bloody Mary's from Vivio's, (delicious!) we made the harried but thankfully short drive. It is there that the true 'people watching' gets good! I have always loved old country music, and some of the new stuff is catching on with me. But why--for the love of God--is the hoe down an excuse for tacky, inexcusable behaviour and dress. Old country was sparkling and sometimes over the top, but it was always relevant and respectful. But that was then and this is most defiantly now. Not to qualify, but if I saw one Dale Earnhardt rebel flag, tattoo'ed beer belly--I saw a hundred! The gorgeous weather allowed these dudes to be shirtless, which always adds to the viewing. Also taking advantage were the chickies in SHORT shorts and tiny, belly exposing tank tops. How do you even sport such rolls at such a young age? Oh, that would be the beer and the luscious fat laded snacks that were being pimped as food options. Gotta love some good nachos with 'gas station cheese'! Not judging here, but you just wouldn't believe it. And why would your bring your infant baby or large, threatening dog along? Huh? Beats the hell outt me!
On the bright side, what I heard of the music was good. Parking was convenient and reasonable. Managed to squeeze Ruby Dee in and amongst all the giant monster four wheel trucks. All in all it was a pretty placid, happy mob. No hard liqueur was sold, which probably helped out with that cause. Finished the day up with a Lysol bubble bath and a wire brush. Public places are very hard for a germaphobe.
Even a redneck one like me! It takes one to know one! So, all is well. Can I get a yee haw up in here?
P.S.-Congrats are in order for my darling friend, Stacey who has just announced her engagement. The last time we had cocktails, She was tellingly, deliriously happy. Kisses and hugs for You, Girl! And for the rest of you? The same, of course! xoxoxo

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Ain't no Party like a Detroit Party....

Cuz a Dee-troit party don't stop!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all. On this day we remember and honor our Mothers--here and in heaven for the colossal job of being a mother. The unconditional love, total selflessness and dedication is a very hard thing to understand but oh so beautiful for those of us lucky enough to know it.

Rest in peace my dear cousin, and friend, Joyce who passed away this week. She was 50. We grew up 3 houses apart and were great friends. Joyce was an excellent athlete and was not alarmed when, at 22 or so, seemed to have alot of muscular aches. When you competed as hard as she did, this was not so unusual. Soon after, a diagnoses of Multiple Sclerosis left us all shocked and began her 27 year battle with this horrific disease. She fought well and hard-- her attitude and physical condition helping her with the fight. It was one of those situations that just didn't seem fair. The lessons she taught us in courage and hope will never be forgotten. I like to think that she has joined up with her mother and brother, in a pain free and happy place. I hope in heaven the basketball court, running track, golf course and tennis courts are in good shape, as Joyce will surely be up to her old tricks. Have fun, Babe. We will miss you.
Also, I have to give a nod to Ernie Harwell, Tiger's broadcaster and human extraordinaire. Some of my fondest memories are of my Dad grilling up something while us kids ran thru the sprinkler and listened to Ernie announce the Tigers game. He was a class act that lifted Detroit up with his style and grace. He lived it right and lived it well and for this he, too, will be missed.

And sadly our Detroit Red Wings lost on Saturday and are now out of cup contention. I was lucky enough to attend Thursdays game and witnessed Johan Franzen get his hat trick. They had already shoveled about 5 octopi off of the ice when the hats rained down and the crowd came undone. I threatened to throw my brassiere on the ice if he scored again, but remained a lady when, he in fact did. I must finally be growing up. Not sure if I like it, tho. Any hoo, it was an entertaining season and I saw again why they say that Detroit fans are the BEST. See you next year boys. Golf well!

Can I just say that the SNOW on Saturday was a shock? C'mon now. I was so hoping to go for a walk on the beach and not freeze my cookies off doing it. Maybe next weekend.
Hope y'all are having a good one. Life goes on. xoxo

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Smoke on the Water..

My first ever cigarette was at my Aunt and Uncles house on Newport Street--fittingly enough. My cousins and I were roughly 1o when we pilfered 2 ciggies to try. They were menthol and unfiltered and we hacked our lungs out and were mildly nauseated. So much for that first effort where the true fun was in the sneak job.

Fast forward 6 years, on my birthday, where Led Zeppelin was singing, "Smoke on the Water". All my girlfriends insisted that with the freedom to drive,(I had a car) came the freedom to smoke. All my friends smoked and so I purchased a pack of Marlborough's and got the lesson that initiated me into being a 'smoker'! I was never really a big smoker and used the cigs mostly for effect. Also being a gymnast and a wanna-be runner, my lungs would hurt like hell if I smoked too much. Coughing up blood was most definitely NOT glamorous!

At eighteen I could legally go into bars and drink, and the smoking went along perfectly. I graduated to the extra long smokes and featured myself very glamorous with my lime flavored Tom Collins and cigarette in my hand sporting a white, denim jumpsuit and cork heeled wedgies and a wicked Farrah Fawcett blow dry. Tres chic! This posing went on for about a year till I had had it with the coughing, mess, smell, etc. On New Years Eve, I took up a bet to quit and did. Wasn't that hard and I just HAD to win the bet.

So now there's a law in place banning smoking in public places and away from food by 100 feet. I love not being forced to breath secondhand while I am out eating and such, but I think it was and is dumb to not allow smoking patios. Bars and restaurants are effected enough as it is and this will surely make a difference. In Florida the smoking patios seem to work out as the best compromise for everyone and it would have been nice to try it that way.

There will be many letters to the editors one way or the other on the subject, so this will probably get very interesting. I'm not sure if the government took away a right or just gave me a new one. Either way, it's out of my hands and we'll just have to see how it shakes out. Let me know your take on it...Go Wings! I have tickets for Thursdays game, whoo hoo! P.S. I have the great honor of celebrating with the darling Michelle, (Michelle's Spell) on her birthday tomorrow. There may even be an appearance by Mark (the Walking Man)! Cannot wait!! xoxo